Key Words
1.
“The Green Thing”. Our tender (a little boat for getting out to
our bigger boat in).
2.
“Albatross”.
Our boat.
3.
“Devon”.
A county near Somerset.
4.
“Somerset”.
A country near Devon.
5.
“Noss”. A
building site cum marina in Devon
6.
“Galmpton”.
A heavenly creek cum boat yard in Devon.
It was a bright and rainy December morning so we went to The
Dump with our trailer. We like The Dump
and its rubbish.
Having dumped our rubbish, we set off back to Stoke Gabriel
closely followed by our faithful trailer. Halfway back we stopped for an
oncoming car. Unfortunately the car
behind, driven by Becky a hairdresser from these parts, didn’t stop in time and not only ruined the
forward starboard corner of her rather
fast-looking BMW but also smashed our faithful trailer and dented out trusty
blue Skoda.
As we were stationary when we were rammed (and therefore
blameless under the Col Regs) our very nice insurers provided us with a free
hire car “of similar size” to our trusty Skoda.
This is where things got difficult.
We picked up a freely supplied hire car “of similar size” to
find that it was in fact something of a behemoth. The Kia
Optima is indeed huge. This big
white hulk was in places significantly bigger than the road … indeed, bigger than
much of Devon.
Reader(s) who have ever hired cars will know that the
process of hiring cars invariably involves the signing of various forms which,
in essence, state that, whatever happens, you will end up paying a massive fine
for the privilege of hiring the car unless you have previously paid a fee to
insure your own insurance against insurance claims. We opted to insure our insurance against everything
and also opted to drive this Incredible Hulk
at a slow walking pace wherever we went.
This blog is supposed to be about the exciting and stressful
sport of sailing. Bugger sailing! You should try the stressful sport of driving
a Kia Optima Hulk Special on Devon’s
country lanes.
----------
After so much excitement it was now mid-January and time to
get Albatross lifted out of the water for engineering and winter maintenance. As the tides dictated that we were to be
lifted out of the water at 0800, we went out to the boat the night before. It was to be a romantic evening afloat.
The outboard wouldn’t start.
We rowed out to the boat.
Albatross’ engine wouldn’t start; battery flat. Despite all this we slept well.
Up at 0645, jump
started the engine.
As we had been asked
to enter the lifting dock stern first, I decided not to attach The Green Thing’s
(our trusty green plastic tender) painter to our stern but amidships so that it
wouldn’t get in the way when we went backwards into the dock.
I started the engine; The Green Thing in the meantime had
drifted around the front of the boat.
I drove Albatross forward. We ran over, overturned and sank The Green Thing.
It is only 3 Km from our mooring to Galmpton Creek. It was now 0735. Flat out towing an upturned Green Thing full
of water we made nearly 1 ¼ knots. At
this rate we might make it by 0930. We would miss the tide, run aground, miss
our lift out and be doomed.
Eventually we managed to attach the spinnaker halyard to The
Green Thing and after much winding and considerable stress, we hauled the
stricken tender out of the water and set off flat out for Galmpton.
We like Galmpton, their boat lift and their
very nice, helpful and understanding staff.
Anyway, eventually we arrived, the boat was lifted and we
survived
.
Next off, it was time to get The Green Thing back to Noss
Marina (whence this epic had begun).
The outboard motor had refused to start the night before.
Since then it had been submerged, turned upside-down and dragged half a mile up
the River Dart on the back of a plastic dinghy. On balance, we calculated that it was unlikely
to start. We decided to paddle The Green
Thing to Noss.
Unfortunately The Green Thing , which is made out of
Polyethylene (soap dish plastic) had been slightly damage when she was run over
by Albatross and was now filling with water.
We paddled slowly on.
Very slowly.
Eventually a
work boat from Galmpton rescued us and took us to Noss. We really do like the excellent team at
Galmpton, especially the nice man who took us back to Noss.
The fun was not quite over.
Arriving at Noss, we climbed onto the dinghy pontoon. We tried to pull The Green Thing up after us.
Greeny’s fractured “unsinkable”
hull was now half-full of water. We struggled and puffed. I caught sight of a
Marina Official talking to a fit-looking bloke about 30 yards away. I called
for assistance. The Official said
something about the fit-looking bloke being an engineer not marina staff and
added something about him needing a life-jacket.
We continued to huff and puff. Greeny was still half-in half-out of the
water.
The Lady Marina Official (LMO) eventually arrived.
After a bit more huffing and puffing Greeny
was out of the water.
It had been a
long morning.
The subsequent
conversation went roughly as follows:
Me: “Thanks for
helping”
LMO: “That’s OK. Watch
out the pontoon’s slippery. Next time you go out to your boat you should wear a
life jacket” (We had life jackets on
now but hadn’t had them on the night before).
Me: (never at my best
after being reprimanded, let alone after
a morning’s adventure like the one we’d just had) “The facilities for dinghies
here are appalling. There is not enough room, the pontoon’s a rusty mess, it’s
too high off the water and you’re charging us a fortune”.
LMO: “As you are
only on a mooring you are not entitled to berth holders’ benefits.”
Eat your heart out Premier Marinas.
We drove home.
Albatross safely lifted and The Green Thing back at Noss, it
was time to get shot of the Hulk.
After less than a week, our trusty Skoda still languishing
untouched at the repairers, we returned to Enterprise Car Hire, gave them back
their horrible* car, walked to the station, then caught a bus then another
train then to Lizzy’s thence with Johannes to Cuckers … where mercifully we had a nice little
white baby car which eventually took us back to Stoke Gabriel. So much for car
hire.
*the opinion only of
the writer of this blog.
